GALAPAGOSES

Go to The Galapagos!! I promise the experience will burn into your memory banks forever more!

As soon as we arrived there were sea lions rolling around the boat and flocks of giant pelicans all around us, and people are just passing by.. like this shits no thing rand ere!?!

Our first night was quite a chilled one so we just mooched about...you know, sat on the edge of the peer with some sea lions, watching some baby sharks frolicing under foot!

The next day we trekked around Santa Cruz where we where staying, such a beautiful place to be. Even taking away all the wild life, just the beaches and clear waters are insane!

We went to see lava caves and lagoons, beach coves that can only be accessed by water taxi and the Charles Darwin research centre where we watched for longer than probably deemed acceptable, 2 tortoises have the sexy times...

We went on a trip to San Cristobal on our second day, which went about becoming one of my favourites ever!

Firstly we fully snorkel like professionals now, don a wet suit and flippers, the whole shindig! Once in our get up we went to a remote island and sat on a beach with no one around but a hoard of sea lions..

Then we snorkelled around the islands and saw some turtles and a sting ray..

Then we went ashore on the other side of the island and walked around with black land iguanas..

Then we went to Kicker Rock, to swim with sharks!!!

When we booked the tour the lady told us to hang back and not jump in the water first, as it'd be frightening to be the first to sight a shark... So naturally we were the very last out of the boat!

The waters were so deep that for a few minutes you don't really see anything, then things cleared and we realised there were about 5 sharks directly below us. The shitters!! Hahaaaa!

We were just coming to terms with the situ below, when a turtle floated by my face and almost touched me with its fin/arm/leg?! 

Then our guide shouted for us to follow him through the rocks and 3 sea lions swam past us, posing for pictures! If we rolled over, they did the same..and if we approached them, they'd act all nonchalant and do some loops and rolls and stuff.. we were basically hanging out, playing fooleries with some sea lions

We saw loads of tropical fish and manta rays too, and had to hide from a swam of birds that kept swooping in trying to have off with our snorkels... The whole time being rigidly awares of jaws at 6'oclock!

Basically they sensed we were hard, so we survive to tell the tale, AND fulfilled a bucket list item too.. 'Go To The Galapagos, don't poo yourself in a wet suit' CHECK!

Montanita

Soooo like Mancora, Montanita was a beach side surfers dream.. We don't surf, but like to watch those that do, so all was grand. We came here to kill some time before our Galaps trip, and ended up staying the week long!

This was the most authentically hobo-ish place I'd say I've ever been.. A good portion of the locals don't wear shoes at all, many have a fully formed head of shit locks, and they sell just about anything in a bid to laze around I recon.. Food, drinks, juggling skills, homemade narcs and cocktails from a cool box. Very chilled out and carefree times.

On our first afternoon we partook in a space cake on the beach.. It was about the size of a golf ball and had us in bed by 6pm! 

We randomly met up with Swiss friendlys we'd met in Buenos Aires, with their beautiful hearts and faces.. And were made to have 2-3 very late nights on the toon (knife at the throat joby obvs!).. So what was supposed to be a week of doing old school fak all, left us reeling for about a week after! 

We're yet to actually get on a surf board, having not overcome the fear of water in the eyes.......... But it is going to happen on this trip, it is!!

Men'corrra

Stoppo nexto was Mancora, a beach side town on the west coast of Peru. There's not a lot of bad that can be said about sitting on the sand all day, in scorcho sun, watching many men surf... And that's mostly what we did.

Our hostel was literally on the main beach, and aside it occasionally coming across a bit Benidorm, it was all we needed.. I mean it had a pool and toilet roll, both of which have become like gold dust in these parts.

We were introduced to rum slushies here, which after 4 days were no longer our friends.. We also met Todd from Landan, who's misfortunes with a pair of hair clippers that ran out of battery half way through his hair cut, made us laugh to wet pants.. That and his likening to Jordan's son Harvey when he laughs. He's a new favourite.

Funnily enough, from all of the countries we have been to and as 'unsafe' or un-touristy some places have been.. Mancora became the most dangerous. 3 people we knew had their taxis high jacked in one night, and their pockets contents cleared out! We left a local club one morn and when we were one foot in the taxi, I received a poo finger! A bum grab so intense that a man was almost knuckle deep in my A zone.. It was neither welcomed nor satisfying!

We booked our bus out of there shortly after these treats, and made our way to country 5, Ecuador! 

Excitement levels now 0.Million, having just booked our trip to THE GALAPAGOS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Amazonas

We boarded a long boat in the small hours of a morn, with a few hostel pals and our tour guide Freddy... And we baso just went about Amazon! 

We went first to see a local tribe that live on the river and were shown how we might traq dart a monkey out of a tree! We ate some fruit that tasted like a peanut bum hole, then were shown the local tribes dance..some people even made to partake in a shuffty, which gave us many amuses! (the dance and the local ladies who's boobs had fallen aside thier grass vests..because we're 10 years old!)

Next we went to a waterside animal sanctuary.. It was more like some people had started to feed animals and they never left.. It was wicked! We had barely pulled up and a monkey had swung in the boat and was trying to get into Jape's bag!

 We got to hold monkeys and parrots, a bastard sized anaconda, then hold a slouth, which was the funniest thing!! It moved like a toy that was running out of batteries, with a constant I've just smoked all of mother natures herbs face on!

Next we went to watch pink dolphins feeding in the river, which was real special. They apparently come to the river to feed in calm waters, and it was so calm.. 2 maybe 3 boats of tourists sitting on the huge lake, hardly making a sound.. Then the next thing these pink fins are flying up all around us and everyone was in mass 'woow... Wooooooooooooooow'! Neither of us were quick draw enough to get a picture of one though, so you'll have to take our word, t'was wicked!

Then as it started to get dark we went ALLIGATOR HUNTING!!! (Spotting / hunted, whateves!).  We rode through the river jungle using torches to see, and all told to keep a look out for 2 yellow eyes looking back at you..... Oh righteo then! It was dead fun, until the smallest of something brushed past one of the girls arms and we all started a scream wave!

We didn't manage to actually see one in the end, but I recon our tour was cut a bit short because Freddy started telling us maneater stories, and we all papped it and asked him to take us back! 😳

We slept in a lodge on the river, and both shizled our nizzles! It was pitch black come 10pm, so we just layed listening to jungle beasts flying at the walls trying to get in. The toilet was outside also, meaning a gauntlet of creature hell at pee and poo times

The next day we donned cagoules and wellies, got make shift rods and went fishing for parianahs!

Wee bird with her prize beast, look;

So by the end of day dos we basically looked like the jungle, and smelled like the river, but would go again right now.

Mega fun times!!

From Lima...

We went to Lima in search of a beach side time of joy before our jungle trek... But when we arrived the hostel had double booked us, and there was not a bit of sun in the sky. Anyhooooooo we stayed a couple of days none the less, making the mosto and all that..

We had a meal out the first night, which came as a whole fish for me, eye ball and all, and completely uncooked fish for JP... Both of which went down a shit storm after 23 hour bus ride!

The rest of our time here was really uneventfully to be honest, and Lima a pretty underwhelming place. We did befriend the local policia because we kept asking them where we could buy shit from.. Once we walked past and they said 'you find chocolate?' and I went 'No but we have cakes instead, nom nooom!'

Nom noming the armed Peruvians, whateves.

But yeah, we were well reads to leave for Iquitos and The Amazon times anyways...

So our flight was delayed, which was ney bother.. The journey was done in 2 parts, so we had to land half way and take off again.. lush! But then the flights turbulence was up there with the worst of my life, and this gave me a slightly bad time. The stewards ran off at one point to strap themselves into their seats, always a mile-high confidence boast! Then the plane dropped what felt like 50ft and the woman next to me started screaming and grabbing hold of my arm.... No!! I'm trying to hold my own shit together here lady! When the drinks came back around I necked a beer in a 0.5 seconds, and Screamy Mcgrabs went 'ahh you like Peruvian beer?' I said 'No i just don't like flying' and she laughed and went 'haaaha yes I see you cry a little!' No I did not.......... FUCK OFF LADY!!

Anyhow we arrived fine figures of ladies in Iquitos and took a tuck tuck of death to the hostel, which by this point we loved drag racing in an open air cart without seat belts, that had our bags tied to the back with a shoelace, yeah!

Tomorrow we head into the AMAZON!! And I expect to be don nothing but a loin cloth come lunch time!

Coozco

We came to Cuzco for a few days on route to Lima and we really quite liked it here. The nightlife wasn't great, and we had hostel issues meaning we only really got one proper night where we were supposed to stay.. But Cuzco itself is really beautiful

The centre has loads of ancient buildings, churches and cathedrals etc.. randomly in the cobbled street you'll come across the oldest Inca wall ever built, or a town square with a thousands of years old gold statue in it. If you like a museum or a bit 'o ancient history, Cuzco is for you

We first got here having booked 3 nights, to find out that our hostel had been closed down for safety regs... So we moved to a slightly less appealing place up the road, and fell asleep / woke up to 80s love songs (not all bad times)

We met the gayest guys in the land one eve, who we played pool with and went to every 'free drink' bar we could find (free drink being a choice of vodka, gin or 'ron'). The guys started arguing a few bars in, one trying to get a taxi to a gay club, the other shouting he was sleeping on the couch, so we politely shook them off... Then came across a bar of Argentinian 'Musicians' who we could only communicate with through the word of the bongos, and not by a single comprehensive word of mouth..

There's a massive market here and the streets get lined with old ladies selling mystery foods which we now eat, being hard. You pay maybe 50p and get a plate of veg, rice, potato, maybe some noodles and misery meats if you want. It's normally served from the fair ladies unwashed hands, maybe picked off the floor in a 10 second rule fashion...but bargain times and still no shits.. Winner!

We've found when people are asking our age that they're averaging us at around 23yrs...... Which makes every 20 hour bus ride or ice cold shower a little more palatable I tell thee, hahaa!

We're off to Lima now for beach side hostel times... maybe ride a wave, maybe eat some fish.. Who needs actual plans!

Titicaca

Lake Tits is really beautiful!  It's said to be the biggest high altitude lake in the world, but it's more like an ocean.. Literally there's an hour time difference between one side and t'other, and about 4 different seasons!

We did 2 nights, first staying on Isla Del Sol in Bolivia, which is very lovely. Hardly a sound for miles, beautiful views of the other islands and mountains.. A well needed relaxation after La Paz.... Relaxing that is until we got our arses bit by a dog (that Jodie had hit in the heed with a Sprite bottle), got a steeple chase from some lamas, then realised as everyone got on boats after their day tours, that we were possibly the only people left on the island... In a flash storm....with a power outage... Be reeeeeeet!

The next night we stayed in Puno in Peru, and went to the floating islands on the lake.. These are crazy!! They are full blown islands, man made, out of grass!  Everything is made from it, the ground, the houses, shops, play grounds.. I can't explain how surreal it is to walk around a floating town of straw.. So wicked and fucking weird! 

We took a boat trip here through the lake, dream boat!  Then we were taken on a grass house tour by the local folk.. I got to sit on the bed with a lady while she told me that the kids sleep on the floor and it's only tourist money that keeps them warm... wasn't awks at all.

Meanwhile lil bird was next door being dressed up like a court jester for some photo time! Hahaaaa!

Honestly a really really amazing place though, a must see for anyone's eyeballs!